Updated: May 12
How to Deal With Your Divorce: From A Licensed Therapist
Going through a divorce can be gut-wrenching and sickening. Ending a relationship can be undeniably one of the toughest, most painful times in your entire life. What you do and how you help yourself after a breakup will define the days ahead. My therapy practice and the tools I can teach you can change the outcome of your life for the better if you are ready to listen.
Handling a divorce begins with your beliefs. Usually, the breakup is so devastating you simply try to get through the days and SURVIVE. You don’t know how you can through this time. You feel alone. You are lost. Your world has been turned upside down. Because the circumstances are so horrible, you will start thinking (and believing) things like:
“I am going to be alone forever. I will never be happy again. I won’t ever get over this. I will never find love again. I am going to be miserable forever.”
You may not realize it, but it is true. If you are feeling bad in any way, it is always driven by an underlying belief or thought and that thought has to be adjusted.
5 Powerful Beliefs to Get You Through Divorce
I have five powerful beliefs that will get you through anything. Yes…anything, including a difficult divorce.
Here is the deal. You may not know how these thoughts will help or even believe it is possible to feel better, and that is okay. Are you willing to give it a shot? Is your mind open to something new and different?
All you need to know is that the destination you are heading towards is a happy, healthy mindset. Let’s start with the simple understanding that you want to simply feel a little better today than you did yesterday.
Keep this in mind as you learn the road map of each turn you need to make to finally be confident, secure, independent and happy to feel the freedom of joy once again. Let me tell you, if you learn these tools, you won’t just experience joy, you will feel and be happier and wiser than ever before.
The first step on your journey to feeling whole and emotionally intact is to understand it is possible. I do empathize with the fact you feel so broken and you don’t know how to start feeling better, and that is how I can help.
I will get you started on your road to healing. It begins with YOU making a decision to be open and willing. So will you give it a shot?
Transform Thought Into Belief
Write down your 5 beliefs. Post them everywhere...on your walls in your home, on index cards in your car, or if you need to, tattoo them on the inside of your eyelids as a reminder 24/7 because knowing these five statements is the bottom line of TRUTH in every difficult situation.
Here they are...
YOU WILL BE OK.
YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS RIGHT NOW.
YOU WILL FIGURE THIS OUT.
THIS FEELING WILL NOT LAST FOREVER.
YOUR LIFE WILL BE BETTER NOW THAN EVER BEFORE.
It is perfectly ok if you don’t understand how or when, you just need to understand it is true, and you need to be open, willing and curious as to how you will get there. That is it.
You see, the thoughts you think and the things you believe come from a deep, subconscious, OLD brain programming which we refer to as our “belief system.” Typically, the things we feel bad, hopeless, sad, defeated and frustrated about stem from OLD BELIEFS that need replacing.
You need to first understand a belief is simply a thought you have been thinking over and over and over again that you naturally consider a “truth” or a “fact” which is what we call a “belief.”
In fact, it is simply a thought you have repeated over time. That is it. The way to change a belief is to change your thought process.
Change Your Beliefs With This Exercise
Start with identifying your old thought/belief that is not serving your well-being. (Any thought that feels bad to think or feel). Write it down. Now, across the paper from that belief, write the opposite of whatever you wrote.
I don’t think I will ever be happy again. (opposite) I know at some point I will figure out how to be happy again.
Practice your new thought every day, several times a day and over time it will become natural and considered your NEW BELIEF.
I will get you started with some powerful thoughts that are absolutely true. Write these powerful thoughts down and practice saying and feeling these things daily to create your new, empowering belief system.
Use These Affirmations To Make It Through Your Divorce
I will be ok. I can get through this divorce.
I don’t need to know all the answers right now.
I will figure this out in time.
I will learn new ways of living, believing and acting to be the best version of myself now.
I am creating a life now where I will be the happiest and healthiest I have ever been.
I will invest in my well-being and heal.
I am worth the time, energy and investment no matter what anyone else says, thinks or does.
I am in charge of creating my reality.
I can change and grow at my own pace.
I am going through these hards time that are creating beautiful, powerful new things inside of me to be the best version of myself.
I am excited for the new life I am creating,
My value is not based on anyone else.
Use the above statements as a start. Once you start thinking the new thoughts and match your thoughts with a new feeling of belief inside your mind, heart and body, then life will change. That is when your newfound freedom and excitement for life starts to kick in.
When you do this exercise, you restructure the foundation from which you operate. What you think attracts more of those types of experiences into your life. Day by day you will grow more clear, confident and secure. In time, you will become stronger and better than you ever could have imagined.
You and only you have the power and ability to reprogram your thoughts and change your experience in your heart, mind, body and soul. Do the work. You are worth it.
Something to you that you may not believe right now, but is true. There is so much light…BRIGHT LIGHT… at the end of your dark tunnel and you have more power than you know. You also will be better NOW than ever before. You have your first step in this article. So put yourself to work and follow through for yourself. You need to be your best advocate. Truly it is no one else’s responsibility to help you feel better. I understand clearly these encouraging words sound impossible and all I can tell you is take one step at a time. You have a powerful tool. Use it.
A major component to healing is to absolutely, positively and NON-NEGOTIABLY making your self-care and your personal development your top priority. That is the best investment you can ever make. You are worth it.